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one-year anniversary

Friday, September 22nd, is my 1-year anniversary. It’s a date I have no trouble remembering as it’s my BFF Radha’s birthday. That’s the day I went for my first mammogram in six or seven years and saw the “spiculated mass” in my right breast that would soon prove to be cancer. Yesterday I went for my one-year mammogram and ultrasound (my oncologist likes to do both), and today heard that everything was A-OK! The word they actually used was “stable,” as in nothing’s changed, which is good.

It’s been an amazing year. I’ve learned a lot about myself and am making changes—a little slowly perhaps, but getting there. I take all my supplements—and there are a lot of them (and they cost a fortune)—although I always take Sundays off…a day of rest from swallowing pills. I am also moving my body more than I ever did before, although still not enough. “Finding my core” has been a main theme, and I’m not sure I’ve found it yet, but I’m working on it. Dropping certain foods on the recommendation of Dr. Block, the integrative oncologist, hasn’t been a problem. I haven’t missed chicken or turkey or egg yolks. But I haven’t been as good about eliminating pretty much all sugars from my diet. And yes, I know, sugar feeds cancer. And I’m seriously considering starting to juice…

I’m also slowly shifting my work life so I have more time to work on the book based on the interviews I’ve done with Maharajji’s Western devotees, while still trying to earn a living. Now that Noah will be starting a job on the West Coast and leaving Florida by the end of the month, I should be able to “work work” less and write more.

I’m wondering at what point to do the reconstructive surgery that will get my breasts back into some form of symmetry. Now that I’ve passed the year marker, I can do it at any time. But it’s really hard to imagine going into surgery voluntarily, so I’m having a hard time figuring it out.

Every once in a while, my surgeon’s office calls and asks me to speak to someone who’s been newly diagnosed, which I always do. It’s so interesting how some do exactly as their docs tell them without ever questioning their decisions or consulting someone with a holistic viewpoint. Right now I’m questioning how long to stay on tamoxifen, since I’ve started getting some mild side effects: my hair is thinning, and I get occasional leg cramps. The Nurse Practitioner at my oncologist’s office said to try lady’s Rogaine (really!). She also told me, in response to the leg cramps, that I should be taking a baby aspirin every day to prevent blood clots—one of the truly nasty possible side effects of tamoxifen, but I don’t want to take more meds, even baby aspirin. I will be consulting again soon with the folks at the Block Center to get another perspective.

It’s rather spectacular at how fast a year can go by, or a life. I’ve recently lost a friend who was just 60 from a sudden massive heart attack. Another friend was just diagnosed with a skin cancer that will require specialized surgery. It seems we’re all getting older, or at least our bodies are. My mother, on the other hand, is 91 and still playing golf, still driving, still living on her own. Who can explain the illusion of time?

So I do the best I can in the moment. And relish the love that permeates everything—in my grandkids’ innocence and exhuberance, in my kids’ support and understanding, in the snake that moved into my garage to get out of the rain . . . and in remembering the feel of the fringes of Maharajji’s plaid blanket.

Sunday, April 22, 2010

It’s been a long time since I’ve written, almost two months, and people are starting to complain, so here’s the update.

In March, I had another L-Dex test to check for possible lymphedema. My numbers had gone up right after the surgery, which was to be expected. But this time, almost 4 months out from surgery, and several months worth of pumping myself full of the supplements that Keith Block recommended, my numbers had gone down—even further down than my original pre-surgery baseline test! So that was nice to see…

In the beginning of April, I had an appointment with my radiation oncologist. He was thrilled by how everything was going. I really like him, so I asked him for recommendations for a dermatologist (if you’ve had one cancer, you suddenly realize anything is possible), and a plastic surgeon. He also gave me the name of a doc in the Palm Beach Cancer Institute who does rehabilitation medicine; he trusts her to find out why I’ve had shoulder pain in the left shoulder since the surgery. I had hit that shoulder against the wall—hard—when I fell and broke my knee several years ago, but it never really bothered me, or I was favoring it and not realizing it, until the breast surgery and subsequent twice weekly sessions with a trainer.

The last two weeks have been busy. Last Friday, I heard that Joya (Ma Jaya) was in a coma, the end phase of a rapid decline from stage four pancreatic cancer, and went up to Kashi Ranch to pay my respects (www.kashi.org). I firmly believe in making sure everything feels all right inside concerning former teachers, before they die, if possible. She died that night, so by the time I got there, I got to view the body before the funeral home came to take her away.

Being in the presence of death is always a powerful reminder. No one gets out of here alive. And it’s so clear that the body is nothing but a shell, an earthly container for the soul, for consciousness, which cannot die. Ram Nam Satya hai, satya bol, satya hai—that’s what they chant in India as they carry a body to the burning ghats. It means, “the Name of God is truth, sing the truth, the truth is.” Death is a truth we try desperately to hide from, or we fear it, but truth it is.

I also had a battery of blood tests done to check my nutrition, see how my “terrain” is doing. Then I had a session with the nutritionist at the Block Center to go over the results. Looking pretty good! They do various panels to check: 1)antioxidents 2) inflammation 3) circulation 4)glycemia/blood sugar and 5) immune panel. Very thorough! Some of my levels are a little low in certain vitamins, and supplements have been adjusted accordingly. I’m even getting used to taking them, but I still give myself Sundays off from pills.

BTW, saw the dermatologist this past week—all was well, they’re just age spots. Lovely. She did zap one “precancer” pink spot on my face, and that was that.

The plastic sugery consult was interesting. I had the doc attempt to explain the procedure to me used in a breast reduction, and I just couldn’t get it. The part I did get was that he’d want to inject some of my fat cells into the right breast to compensate for the flatness where the lumpectomy was, and they lipo the fat cells they use from your abdominal fat. I asked if they could take more than necessary! All I know right now is that I will wait till the fall before considering anything. I’m not anxious to go under the knife and three hours worth of anesthesia before a year out of surgery. Although the idea of getting back some symmetry in my body is very appealing, and insurance covers any kind of reconstruction following breast cancer. He also said a radiated breast will possibly undergo more changes during the first year, so waiting is the right move.

I don’t see the rehabilitation doc untl mid-May. She’s a busy person.

Today was very interesting. It was the OWN network showing of the Ram Dass interview with Oprah for her Super Soul Sunday program, followed by a showing of Fierce Grace. Hanuman Tirth came up and we watched the 3-hour show. Very powerful! I’m sure it will be on OWN again, so if you missed it, try to catch it later on. There was one segment of the interview where Oprah was asking Ram Dass if he said “Why me?” after the stroke, and he said he didn’t ever feel that way. I realized that I had never felt that way either after getting a diagnosis of cancer. I have always treated it as a wake-up call, time to transform yet again, on yet another level. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger… yes, indeed.

I am working these days on putting together a book proposal for the interviews I have done (and those that still remain to be done) of the Western devotees of Neem Karoli Baba. It’s plunging me into story after story about Maharajji, and I feel like I’m swimming in his grace.

Much love to you all. I hope these ramblings are helpful in some way to those of you out there. I know your support of me feels priceless.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Yesterday was the last day of the conference, and had some more interesting speakers. Daya Fisch was the best. As she says, she is a lymphamaniac. She tied together the lymphatic system, the meridian system, and the mysofascial system in a brilliant way, gave clear demonstrations of how to keep the energy/lymph moving in the body. Her website has a lot of good info. Check out http://www.breasthealthproject.com/lymphatic-breast-massage.html and http://www.breasthealthproject.com/myofascailrelease.html. If you subscribe to her newsletter, you immediately get a self-care program of massage, energy points, and breathing practices.

Another interesting speaker was Susan Silberstein (http://www.susansilberstein.com/) who talked about the connection between stress and cancer, especially “inevitable or uncontrollable stress.” She recommended several books: “Cancer as a Turning Point” by Lawrence LeShan, and “The Type C Connection” by Lydia Temoshok. One interesting note, she said that those who used denial as a coping mechanism had the same survival rates as those who did everything to become more aware and fight the disease. Those who did the worst in terms of suvival were those who went into prolonged “helpless and hopeless” mode. She was roundly denounced by a number of attendees for using old info about cancer-prone “personality types” (no wimps in this audience, let me tell you…) and was told to rewrite the beginning of her talk.

We were sitting near a woman named Jill Schneider, who of course is writing a book. A devotee of the little Maharajji, she had a great story of healing herself from cervical cancer without Western medicine. Seems to be the type of cancer many have healed themselves from, including Louise Hay and Deborah King. She’s already emailed me about her book…

We left before the insurance panel, which I’m sure would have been interesting but we’d had enough. They are trying to start a movement to get Medicare coverage for alternative/complementary modalities, including all-important nutrition, in that insurance companies often follow Medicare’s lead.

We did spend some time talking to various vendors, who also had a lot of good info. I spent a fabulous 10 minutes or so lying on a BioMat (www.biomat.com/) designed by scientists and engineers in Korea. It’s filled with rows of amethyst crystals and is FDS approved for pain and stress management. I wish it wasn’t so expensive, because it felt great. Totally re-energizes you.

I picked up some homeopathic creams, one called Castro’s healing cream for scars (http://mirandacastro.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=products_all) that’s supposed to be better than the ones you get in the surgeon’s office. Radha got the one for joints.

All in all, a very satisfactory experience, with a lot of great info and connections. And it felt really good to have the path I’ve chosen—integrative oncology—be so roundly supported.

Now it’s off to meet my mother for lunch and to have Radha exclaim over my mom’s wonderful new kitchen…

Friday, March 2, 2012

It’s been a wild two days at the cancer conference (the 5th Annual Evidence-Backed Complementary /Alternative and Holistic Cancer Therapies Conference). I picked up Radha at the airport at 1 and we went directly across the street from the airport to the Embassy Suites. There are over 200 attendees—many cancer patients/survivors, caregivers, and lots of folks in the biz. I saw several folks from the Sari Center, including the woman who gave me the lymphatic massage, and the head of the Center.

It opened with Dr. Gwen Stritter (http://strittermed.org/SMC/?page_id=2/) who is a clinical advocate. “. . . a person who does all those things for you that doctors do for themselves or their loved ones when faced with a serious or life-threatening illness. A clinical advocate does everything from case-intensive research to helping find the right medical team to helping navigate complex medical decisions.” She gave an interesting presentation on what constitutes evidence-based medicine, starting with Marie Antoinette and her fascination with Mesmer, and how Louis XVI had Ben Franklin disprove Mesmer’s “animal magnetism.” Turns out that individual evidence from blood tests colleced by integrative docs have the same 70% accuracy as the “gold standard” of phase 3, double-blind, randomized, large, placebo-controlled trials that are usually funded by pharmaceutical companies. Loved her.
Then Toni Muirhead (http://tonimuirhead.com/) talked about oncology massage, which I heartedly endorse. I love my massage therapist at the Sari Center.
Next, Dr. Thomas Lodi (http://www.anoasisofhealing.com/) from Arizona spoke. He’s an angry man, angry at the medical establishment, and was a real downer to listen to. Afterwards, however, he turned out to be a really nice guy, who is called a homeopathic physician, but not someone I’d care to work with. One interesting point, he said that casein (milk protein) has been proven to be the biggest toxin.
Lisa Wilson from the Raw Food Institute went on about the benefits of green juice. Said the average American consumes 170 pounds of sugar per year. EVERYONE explained how cancer cells and sugars are a No No combo. She mentioned that the biggest mistake that people who go on a raw food diet make are too many sweets, dehydrated foods, and nuts. As she put it, “Everything you put in your mouth leads either to health or death.”
And that was enough for one day. Came home, ate take-out Indian food, and crashed.
The one thing that didn’t happen was my supposed meeting with Dr. Keith Block, due to various miscommunications. Fortunately, today was different.
Keith was the keynote speaker for the conference, and started at 8:40 this morning. You know I had to be really anxious to see him to get there at that hour. And he was fabulous. It was a long complex presentation, but he kept it moving right along and basically understandable by non-scientists. (And it ended with slides of him surfing in the winter on Lake Michigan, in Alaska, and I think Antarctica!
A lot of it was material that he’s also written about in his book (http://lifeovercancer.com/). Afterwards, he was surrounded by people until a woman in the conference hall, a cancer patient who has consulted with him, passed out on the floor and he had to break away to care for her.
While waiting to speak with him, we wound up talking to his wife Penny and his mother, who they had brought up from Miami since she had never heard him speak before. She was great. Got the scoop on the whole family… Then finally we got to sit down together and reviewed where I was at and how I was doing with the supplements. Told him about the problem I had with the curcumin, which he said was part of my digestive difficulty in absorption. He told me to try just one (rather than the 3 I’d been taking, trying to get up to the 7 he originally wanted). He should have a new product available shortly that’s supposed to be a lot more easily absorbed. He’s really present with you, and very personable. (Yes, Lindsey, I said hi from you…)
We missed the panel of cancer patients, each of whom had used a different approach, since that was when I was talking to Keith.
After a fantastic organic lunch buffet, the next speak was Dr. Burt Berkson (http://drberkson.com/) who has an integrative medical center in Las Cruces, NM. His story of how he reluctantly became a doctor was delightful, as was his total honesty about the treatments he’s best known for—intravenous alpha lipoic acid and los-dose naltrexone. Fascinating history, but he was very clear that he doesn’t know why they work remarkably well for some people and not at all for others. He’s off to Washington soon in hopes of getting some sort of real trial going to validate his findings. He’s been very successful treating Hep C, diabetic neuropathies, and some cancers.
Radha and I also spent time talking with a number of the conference participants, all with incredible stories. There’s something remarkable about being with several hundred people who are all sincerely working on themselves on so many levels—everyone acknowledges the mind/body connection, the importance of spiritual/emotional healing along with the physical, good nutrition, and are so open to new ideas. It must be the confrontation with their mortality, something most Americans manage to avoid at all costs.
We didn’t stay for the workshops—one on community acupuncture and one on intimacy. But enough was enough. Total exhaustion had set in. And there was no way we were going to make the movie they were showing tonight, called “Not As I Pictured.” (http://www.notasipictured.org/)
Tomorrow the breast cancer panel unfortunately starts at 8 a.m. Not a chance we’ll make it that early. But hopefully the rest of the day will prove to be interesting.
The vendors who were exhibiting were also great. We learned a lot, including the fact that I can get a year of free bi-monthly healing touch sessions from a local practitioner. And more, much more. Maybe I’ll write about some of it tomorrow. For now it’s good night…

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Wow, my oncologist is extraordinary. She just called me—on a Sunday!—to tell me the results of the tests they took when I saw her this past Wednesday. I asked her if she didn’t rest on Sundays, and she said no…. talk about dedication!

Turns out my urine test showed that I had had a bladder infection, but since I’m symptom free for the past week or so, there’s no need for antibiotics. Blood work had also shown I had anemia, but further analysis indicated my iron was fine and my B12 was a little low. So tomorrow I’ll get called to come in for a B12 shot, and they will do another urine analysis to make sure there is no lingering infection.

I am so impressed with the level of care she gives all her patients.

On another front, she also believes there is nothing wrong with using either Vagi-Fem or Estrace (both are prescription moisturizers with a small amount of estradiol) used twice a week for vaginal dryness and to repair vaginal atrophy. This seems to be an area of controvery with oncologists, but I’m going with her recommendation at this time. Most of them prefer Replens, which is non-hormonal and used every three days, or as often as necessary, and isn’t bad, but just not as effective. The therapist at the Sari Center recommends Replens and a dildo for those in “dry spells.”

Speaking of vaginal dryness—problematic for many post-menopausal women and for those taking the anti-estrogen medications used in breast cancer treatment—I’ve been doing my own research on lubricants. Forget K-Y jelly—it’s sticky and awful. Allation comes either “warming” or “tingling”—both of which seem totally unnecessary. Astroglide is a pretty good choice, and it definitely comes in my favorite container. But the real winner is a totally organic product line from the UK called YesYesYes, available online. http://www.yesyesyes.org/index.htm They have both an oil-based lubricant (which can’t be used with condoms) and a water-based one, which can. I must admit I didn’t try any of the “flavored” choices out there, preferring to go organic, tasteless, and smell-less.

There are actually quite a few good conversations online about all this if you need to explore further.

I’m looking forward this coming Thursday to meeting Dr. Keith Block at the conference that’s being held in West Palm Beach. Radha is coming down to go with me to the conference, and to celebrate my 67th birthday coming up in early March. I am probably healthier now than I was 20 or 30 years ago! Just ask my trainer. I saw Krishna Das this past week—he had a concert in Miami last Tuesday night—and we compared our medication/supplement intake. He won!

I guess I’m at that age now where my friends are starting to have medical issues—hip replacements, knee replacements, triple bypasses, various cancers. The wonderful thing, though, about being part of a spiritual satsang and having Maharajji as our foundation, our bedrock, is that all kinds of suffering can be seen as wake-up calls, reminding us of our real priorities.

We had a lovely Shiva Ratri celebration here at my house last Sunday. Ram Giri did the whole lingam puja, with everything from milk and yoghurt to ghee and honey; Julia led Shiva kirtan and played drums; we sang and ate and had a very sweet Skype call with Ram Dass, who said over and over again, “I love you, I love you, I love you…”

In the end, what else is there?

Bigger pictures of lymphatic dry brushing

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Can you believe it’s February already?

Anyway, to fill you in on the past week . . . The Sari Center recovered (mostly) from the burst water pipe that had cancelled a week’s worth of appointments and last Thursday I got in for some acupuncture. The next day my trainer noticed a real difference in my energy, which I attribute to good needling. And the chiropractor on Friday was happy, finally, with my neck.

Yesterday I had a transvaginal ultrasound to get a baseline reading on the endometrial lining of the uterus, which was perfectly normal. I’m not sure how soon again I need to do it to see if the tamoxifen is affecting it.

I started the tamoxifen last Thursday, so it’s been a week. I got a little nauseated around the edges, so I stopped taking it at breakfast (along with a zillion supplements) and started taking it with dinner (along with half a zillion supplements), which helped a little. I’ve also had some sleep problems, not helped by a kitty that wants to go out earlier and earlier each day (today it was 4:30 in the morning, which was a perfect time to also put out the trash so the racoons wouldn’t get it). And a strange bladder infection that is on some days and off on others.

Today I saw the lymphatic massage person at the Sari Center, who gave me a brush (donated by some foundation) and instructions on doing lympatic dry brushing to prevent any build-up of lymph that could lead to lymphedema. She will also be attending the Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Cancer Conference I just signed up for today, which is being held right here in West Palm. I will get to hear Keith Block speak (we are setting up a time to meet as well), and will also see Burt Berkson, who runs the Integrative Medical Center in Las Cruces, NM, and is the champion of using low-dose naltrexone (which Lindsay got me interested in) and alpha-lipoic acid. Radha is hoping to be able to come down for the conference, which would be great.

(http://annieappleseedproject.org/5thevcocath.html?utm_content=parvatim%40mac.com&utm_source=VerticalResponse&utm_medium=Email&utm_term=ConferenceRegistration%20link&utm_campaign=March%20conference%20%26%20Newscontent)

Tonight I got to ask my wonderful oncologist a bunch of questions when she called to give me the results of my tests. I do not have the BRCA 1 or 2 gene mutation, so my brother and kids can relax, and I tested fine for the metabolic pathway for tamoxifen. Dr. McKeen said that nausea was a side effect of the tamoxifen in some people, but that it should go away soon and I should take the pill at bedtime to see if that helps. So I’ll try that. The bladder problem, she said, sometimes happens with AIs, but is probably not related to the tamoxifen. It was so good to talk to her, and I was shocked she called herself instead of her P.A. This women is amazing. Read this article from the Palm Beach Post about her. http://www.palmbeachpost.com/health/dr-elisabeth-mckeen-is-deeply-invested-in-every-953010.html

Here’s the info on the lymphatic brushing, which is good for everyone to do!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012 (actually Thursday already)

Today was a busy busy day. Those of you who know me know that I’m not an early riser—or at least a happy early riser—but I had to be at the oncologist’s office at 7:30 A.M. It was worth it. I liked her a lot. She’s very present, despite having an exceedingly busy practice. And she asked about my whole history, as opposed to just dealing with the cancer, and addressed all my concerns without ever feeling rushed.

I knew I was in good hands as I waited in the room to see her since there was a copy of Writers and Poets magazine there, and we discussed books. There’s one she wants me to read before I see her again in a month.

She agreed with Keith and Michael that Tamoxifen was the way to go at this point, since it would build bone as opposed to creating bone loss. She went through the possible bad side effects—basically a 1% chance of blood clots or endometrial cancer. I’m scheduled for a vaginal ultrasound next week to get a base measurement of the endometrial lining of the uterus. If it thickens over the course of taking Tamoxifen, I will go off the drug. The two most common side effects are hot flashes and leg cramps. F**k! Two of my least favorite things, but nothing compared to cancer I guess…. Here’s hoping I don’t get them. Although good news for all you menopausal sufferers, there’s a medication now (or soon to be, I forget which) for hot flashes (some company will make a fortune if it really works). She also did a blood test for CYP2D6, which will tell if I’m among the 10% of women who do not metabolize Tamoxifen and it would therefore be useless to take.

I also had the BRCA test (the multisite 3 BRAC Analysis) and spent some time with the genetics counselor. It was very interesting. Turns out that those who have a BRCA gene mutation are at much greater risk for breast, ovarian, pancreatic, and prostate cancer. For example, those who have the mutation are up to 87% at risk for breast cancer as opposed to 8% of the general population. Of course, it’s Ashkenazi Jews who are most likely to have the mutation. I had 3 of the 8 factors that qualify you to have this testing all paid for by insurance—Ashkenazi heritage, two breast cancers on the same side of the family, and several pancreatic cancers on the same side of the family. If I turn out to be positive, my brother and sons will have to get tested, and I will be given early screening for pancreatic cancer. The fun never ends. There’s an interesting website the counselor told me about, http://www.facingourrisk.org/, that keeps up on the research.

I got out of there around 10:30 and went over to the hospital part of the medical complex in Wellington where a friend was getting the radioactive dye for the sentinal node removal part of her lumpectomy surgery. I hung out with her and her husband until she went in to get the guide wire, then raced home to do an iChat with Ireland to celebrate Zoey turning two years old today. Relatives in California, Florida, and North Carolina all got to participate in her birthday party in Dublin. It is an amazing world we live in.

Then I took a nap.

Which is why I’m writing this at midnight, after going to Lowe’s to find a tile for my mother’s redo of her 35-year-old kitchen (the appliances are dying, the cabinets are crumbling), picking her up and meeting Noah for a little sushi, coming home and spending three hours talking down a friend in California who was having a bad trip on some very strong medical marijuana.

So if I’ve forgotten anything important, I’ll look at my notes tomorrow.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Another week has flown by. I met twice with my trainer, and have the aches to go with that endeavor. I’ve been downgraded to once a week with the chiropractor, and trying to get in one massage and/or one acupuncture session a week. I also managed to get my hair done this week, since two appointments at the Sari Center were cancelled when there was a flood on the floor above them and they got all wet. Even got some work done this week.

The best part of the week was Friday evening and all day Saturday, when I went to a meditation retreat of sorts with Sharon Salzberg (http://www.sharonsalzberg.com/) and Mark Epstein (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Epstein). It was held at the Wellington International Polo Club, a delightful glimpse into the world of the 1% (http://www.internationalpoloclub.com/). Food was fabulous, organic gourmet. They even had stevia along with the sugar packets.

It was like “meditation sampler,” with brief spells of watching the breath, mindfulness practice, walking meditation, and my favorite, loving-kindness. Mark and Sharon split the talking, and I have to say I resonate far more with Sharon, who speaks from the heart without notes. Mark is a little “professorial,” and a little guarded personally—he read stories others had written about themselves, but nothing from his own life.

Of course, just like in the “olden days” at Bodh Gaya, doing the 10-day Vipassana retreat with Goenka, I tend to bring a Hindu slant to the practices, preferring mantra to “lift, move, place, shift” for walking or “rising, falling” or “in, out” for watching the breath. And I pretty much just continued meditating while they talked. It felt really good to submerge into the Self for an extended period of time.

One of the participants I spent time with was a woman who has just been diagnosed with a large cancerous tumor that runs the entire length of her outer thigh. It was discovered by her massage therapist who said, “That is not a muscle…” She’s a member of the club, an avid horsewoman, and has been told she may not walk or ride again after her complex surgery at the Mayo Clinic (there’s one in Jacksonville, FL!).

Then, coming back from the retreat, I learned that Joya Ma has been diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer. Her team is trying to get her into a clinical trial for a vaccine before she has to have a port inserted for chemotherapy. For those of you who still have any sort of trip about her, now might be the time to make peace . . . ma@kashi.org.

Feels like when I was pregnant, and it seemed like everyone I met or saw was pregnant. Now, at this age, it seems like everyone has cancer.

This week brings my treatment to the fore again when I meet with Dr. Elizabeth McKeen early Wednesday morning to make a final decision on tamoxifen vs. femara. She’s been highly recommended, and only deals with breast cancer and cancer genetics. Then, after my appointment, I walk over to the hospital where a friend is having her radioactive dye for sentinal node, the guide wire inserted, and a lumpectomy.

Is it just my newfound awareness of cancer, or is it really an epidemic?

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Don’t panic because I haven’t posted in 9 days… it just means I’ve been really busy trying to incorporate work back into my life. Work used to be my priority, now my body and health are at the top of the list. Soon I’ll have to find a balance, but these few weeks have been heavily geared to establishing myself with some practitioners—all of whom, of course, want a lot of appointments up front before it evens out into a saner schedule.

Going back, on Friday the 6th, I had my first session with my physical trainer at my little gym, which seems more than adquate for my needs. Between the inner/outer thigh machine and some Pilates leg exercises with the “magic circle,” I could hardly cross my legs in the next few days without lifting one on top of the other. I also had an appointment with the chiropractor, and one with Cecilia, who laid out a program for putting some energy into my lawsuit (about my knee) and one for dealing with inner child issues that seem to be behind the reluctance I previously had about exercising or really caring for my body.

Then last week was a whirlwind—Monday, chiro and trainer; Tuesday at the Sari Center for a yoga class and acupuncture session; Wednesday, going with my mother and her contractor to Lowe’s to pick out cabinets, hardware, etc. for her long-overdue kitchen redo; Thursday, another acupuncture session; yesterday, trainer and chiro. This is all while starting to track my food on SparkPeople (www.sparkpeople.com) to see how close I’m getting to Dr. Block’s recommended diet (25% whole grains, 50% fruit and veggies, 25% fats and proteins, in a 1400-1600 calorie range) and starting to slowly add one new supplement every few days to make sure I don’t react to any of them. And that’s just the supplements I could get at Whole Foods. I’m awaiting my order from Dr. Block for the rest of them. Then I’ll have to chart out which ones I take at what time of day, on an empty stomach or with food.

In between, I’m managing to work only 2-3 hours a day. Hopefully, this coming week I’ll be able to do more.

I also finally managed to get an appointment with Dr. Elizabeth McKeen, an oncologist who only deals with breast cancer. She is part of the same group as Dr. Spitz, the Palm Beach Cancer Institute, but I wanted another opinion on the Tamoxifen versus Femara issue, since I haven’t started any anti-estrogen therapy yet. I see her next week on the 25th.

I also knew I had to change my skin care products to organic ones, and I ordered a “beyond organics gift box” of Eminence products to try. They are great, and comparable in price to my old Este Lauder ones. When I have another moment in time, I plan to write to Este Lauder, who started the whole pink ribbon for breast cancer thing, and complain about them not having products for women dealing with breast cancer. Amy at http://organic.amyskincare.com/ was very helpful, finding out which Eminence products were potentially estrogenic.

So slowly a new lifestyle starts to emerge. It’s an ongoing process, and I definitely need to arrange time better to accommodate different forms of exercise, work, and “passive” treatments like acupuncture, chiro, and therapeutic massage.

On another note, this coming Friday and Saturday I’ll be going to a meditation workshop with Sharon Salzberg and Mark Epstein at the Wellington Polo Club. I’m really looking forward both to seeing Sharon and to spending some real time in sitting practice, so I can re-establish that as well (sort of slipped off the charts after diagnosis).

I also have a friend here who was just diagnosed this past week, and may be going to some of her appointments as well. No one should have to do any of this alone . . .

I did manage to get to lunch last weekend with Kashi, the only friend from college days (as well as spiritual groups) I’m still in touch with. She took this picture (and cut herself out of it!), so you can see I am alive and well. Somehow when people hear the word “cancer,” they envision someone who looks like an end-stage patient. I’m clearly not wasting away, and plan to be here for a long time to come.