one-year anniversary

Friday, September 22nd, is my 1-year anniversary. It’s a date I have no trouble remembering as it’s my BFF Radha’s birthday. That’s the day I went for my first mammogram in six or seven years and saw the “spiculated mass” in my right breast that would soon prove to be cancer. Yesterday I went for my one-year mammogram and ultrasound (my oncologist likes to do both), and today heard that everything was A-OK! The word they actually used was “stable,” as in nothing’s changed, which is good.

It’s been an amazing year. I’ve learned a lot about myself and am making changes—a little slowly perhaps, but getting there. I take all my supplements—and there are a lot of them (and they cost a fortune)—although I always take Sundays off…a day of rest from swallowing pills. I am also moving my body more than I ever did before, although still not enough. “Finding my core” has been a main theme, and I’m not sure I’ve found it yet, but I’m working on it. Dropping certain foods on the recommendation of Dr. Block, the integrative oncologist, hasn’t been a problem. I haven’t missed chicken or turkey or egg yolks. But I haven’t been as good about eliminating pretty much all sugars from my diet. And yes, I know, sugar feeds cancer. And I’m seriously considering starting to juice…

I’m also slowly shifting my work life so I have more time to work on the book based on the interviews I’ve done with Maharajji’s Western devotees, while still trying to earn a living. Now that Noah will be starting a job on the West Coast and leaving Florida by the end of the month, I should be able to “work work” less and write more.

I’m wondering at what point to do the reconstructive surgery that will get my breasts back into some form of symmetry. Now that I’ve passed the year marker, I can do it at any time. But it’s really hard to imagine going into surgery voluntarily, so I’m having a hard time figuring it out.

Every once in a while, my surgeon’s office calls and asks me to speak to someone who’s been newly diagnosed, which I always do. It’s so interesting how some do exactly as their docs tell them without ever questioning their decisions or consulting someone with a holistic viewpoint. Right now I’m questioning how long to stay on tamoxifen, since I’ve started getting some mild side effects: my hair is thinning, and I get occasional leg cramps. The Nurse Practitioner at my oncologist’s office said to try lady’s Rogaine (really!). She also told me, in response to the leg cramps, that I should be taking a baby aspirin every day to prevent blood clots—one of the truly nasty possible side effects of tamoxifen, but I don’t want to take more meds, even baby aspirin. I will be consulting again soon with the folks at the Block Center to get another perspective.

It’s rather spectacular at how fast a year can go by, or a life. I’ve recently lost a friend who was just 60 from a sudden massive heart attack. Another friend was just diagnosed with a skin cancer that will require specialized surgery. It seems we’re all getting older, or at least our bodies are. My mother, on the other hand, is 91 and still playing golf, still driving, still living on her own. Who can explain the illusion of time?

So I do the best I can in the moment. And relish the love that permeates everything—in my grandkids’ innocence and exhuberance, in my kids’ support and understanding, in the snake that moved into my garage to get out of the rain . . . and in remembering the feel of the fringes of Maharajji’s plaid blanket.